The Window of Tolerance
- Mar 8
- 3 min read
Updated: Mar 9
This concept was created by Dr Daniel Siegal in 1999 and refers to the optimal state for receiving and responding to external information, also referred to as our state of arousal. All individuals have an optimal zone which acts as an allowance of internal capacity. This allowance helps us to think and communicate effectively, manage our emotions, engage with our environment, learn and store information, and respond to the daily demands of every day life.
But did you know that this window can change from day to day?
Side note - this was something I was unaware of until I began doing this work - a large portion of my life was spent internally questioning why some days felt SO much harder than others. In my 20s, without the correct information or exposure to resources such as these, unaware of my internal dialogue and therefore maladapting by masking to cope. Over a lifetime this had damaging effects which has been a huge driver for me doing this type of work.
Children's windows are affected by complex factors like genetics, verbal or language development, and previous trauma or other everyday factors such as sickness, sleep quality, thirst or hunger. As adults we experience much the same as children however our brains are typically more equipped to deal with this type of emotional turbulence and we have had some practise engaging different strategies to support ourselves.
Above our window of tolerance is a common go-to state known as hyperarousal. This is when our stress responses are activated and our actions are running the show. Our nervous systems have suddenly switched from parasympathetic to sympathic mode and there is no longer time to respnd with reason or calm. Our hearts are racing, we may be showing visible signs of distress like darting eyes and sweaty skin or we might feel sick in our stomach. We are certainly not learning or taking in information, we are fighting dinosaurs and fleeing into the wilderness to find our cave and source of safety.
(as seen in the accurate diagram of me as a frightened blonde cave girl)
Hypoarousal is another go-to response for many of us. This is our freeze and fawn, also sympathetic response. These responses are characterised by lethargy, proscrastination, shut down or people pleasing behaviours. Individuals will often present as depressed, floppy, avoiding of eye contact, have a slower rate of respiration or a general unwillingness to engage.
Operating within the window of tolerance feels better in our nervous systems, but it isn't always possible with the many demands placed on children in today's world.
But it isn't all doom and gloom, there is a lot we can do to support optimal window dwelling for ourselves and our children. To begin and especially as a parent and educator I believe it is important to have a good idea where your window of tolerance sits, along with when you tip into either hyper or hypoarousal... however, let's start with the window. How are you feeling now while you read this blog? Wiggle your toes. Is there tension in your shoulders? Are you breathing into your chest or diaphragm? What is your current posture like? Invite moments of presence into your life and try to catch yourself in your window. When you can identify the window, you can then work on ways to expand it.
Ways to help our kids expand their window of tolerance is dependant on their stress response. This process can be supported by a trained Therapist or Psychologist but can certainly be consolidated at home with safe caregivers. Strategies may include simple breathing techniques, yoga, stimming, or use of visual aides like sensory jars. Adults might like to consider breathwork, accomodations to their environment, access to support systems, exercise or movement and grounding.
I also feel like visiting moments of hyper or hypo arousal is a fairly common event for most people, and on most days! However with this understanding there should be less tendency to s t a y in the aroused states which offers more joy, flow and authentic relating within our window and within our life.
Jersey Psychology and Wellbeing Service. (2020). The Window of Tolerance: Supporting the Wellbeing of Children and Young People. Www.gov.je. https://www.gov.je/SiteCollectionDocuments/Education/ID%20The%20Window%20of%20Tolerance%2020%2006%2016.pdf
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