The Rule of 30

"Between the ages of 25 and 30 it is said that the neurotypical brain has experienced strong connections between the prefrontal and limbic regions, positively affecting our ability to make rational decisions, manage time effectively, and largely regulate our emotions". 

This was not my experience however and it led me down many rabbit holes to further understand the brain and explore these elusive functions. What I discovered is that there are 10 executive functions and these functions are what differs adults from children. They also make up the framework of social emotional learning. The functions include organisation, time management, cognitive flexibility, goal planning, impulse control, ability to focus, working memory, problem solving, transitions and task initiation. (Side note.. I remain perplexed as to why exactly these skills are not exclusively taught in schools??) 

To support adults parenting neurodivergent children Dr Russell Barkley designed a concept known as the rule of 30. This includes applying a 30% lag to a child's chronological age, and using instead their ‘executive function age’ which meets them developmentally where they are at.  For example, a child with ADHD who is 10, parent as you would a 7 year old. A teen with ADHD at 16, we would need to parent like that of a 12 year old (yikes!). This has since evolved to giving kids ‘30 minutes’ longer to complete given tasks or practising a ‘30 minutes pause before responding’. Dr Barkley speaks about the rule of 30 in great detail in his August 2023 lecture on his Youtube channel ‘Dedicated to ADHD Science +’. 

I am curious how that lands for you? When you consider these functions, do you recall a time when they became more fluid for you? You had more capacity to make decisions and didn’t get in such a flap when you broke, burnt or dropped something? Do you still struggle with any or all of them? I would love your feedback.

My thinking is that if it helps a parent's stress levels when trying to motivate their children and find joy in the daily grind, then that's a win. If the child is struggling with transitioning between tasks, consider that it is because their brain can’t process the steps involved. Visuals are great for this, we would be lost in our house if I didn't have visuals in the morning.  Phone timers with time limits, or a timing timer are great, then they can visually see what 20 minutes looks like. When your teen needs more time getting their work handed in, use a diary and back-chain with them, breaking down into smaller chunks what parts to do each day until it is due. 

The underlying theme as the parent is to adjust the expectations and wherever possible apply the rule of 30. This shift in thinking has been a helpful strategy in our house, and I hope it brings you an extra gear or two when times get tough. Hope you found this helpful! Please follow my facebook page for more parenting tips and ND hacks.

References :

Youtube Dr Russell Barkley - ADHD and Children's Delayed Executive Functioning Age - Part 1

Youtube Dr Daniel Siegal Brainstorm: Brain remodelling, pruning and myelin